Undressing 'Inside Out'

Recently, I have rewarded myself with an hour and 42-minute movie in the theatre entitled Inside Out. I still remember witnessing the trailer of this critically acclaimed Pixar movie last year for the very first time.

Promotional image from Pixar

I've been waiting on it for what felt like five years! I've always been so in love with movies that perfectly depict mental illnesses or how the mind works, so I definitely had high expectations towards this movie. To be honest, I don't usually like or watch Pixar movies, (The only one that I overtly say that I love was the movie Up) so I was definitely excited for this one.

Going into the movie theatre, I was jumping with excitement. A couple of my friends had already watched it before I did — since I opted to watch it with my Mom and sister — so they already promised me a good two hours. After all the exciting trailers, a studio logo came out and I commanded myself to stop fidgeting and enjoy the movie.

Fifty Shades of Klaus : Chapter 14

Breakfast with Bonnie and Matt is the closest thing we can have similar to a Mystic Falls get-together. The diner at 5^th street was so homey and simple. A small, quiet diner that is perfect to have breakfast with some close friends. “So, when can I meet this perfect boyfriend?” Matt asked.

“Soon,” Bonnie replies. “If you haven’t realized Matt, you’ve actually been totally AWOL to us since you met Cami. Any explanations for that?”

She teasingly raises both eyebrows. He sheepishly replies, “She’s just so great, you know? She keeps talking about these Psychology things that is killing me because I knew nothing about it, but for some odd reason, it keeps me around. It’s a trait of hers that I find interesting.”

I bow my head, looking down to my eggs and smile. The two friends I have seated with me in the booth are both happily dating, while I am still mortified of the man I want to be with. I have actually planned today to be the day that I finally make amends with Klaus Mikaelson. Well, I was hoping. “You better be serious about her, Matt. We really plan on becoming friends with the girl, so don’t mess it up,” I say.

He smiles at me. “I won’t,” he says, taking his cup of coffee with him. “I should go back take care of the supermarket. Vicki might get back early from Mystic Falls, and I don’t want her to get in trouble with the staff.”

Bonnie stands up, “We’ll walk you.” I get up from the booth together with Matt and the three of us walk the streets together on the way to Matt’s shop. “Have you heard from Elena, Matt?”

Fifty Shades of Klaus : Chapter 13

“Caroline?” a whisper and a knock interrupts my slumber for the night. I look up the clock; it is only a quarter after midnight. I groan, giving out a hint that I am aware of her calling. The door opens, “Are you awake?”

I let out a soft giggle, “Barely.” Sitting up on bed, I rest my head on the headboard. She climbs up the bed, lying beside me. “You’re home late,” I sleepily utter.

She sighs out, “Remember when Kol mentioned a fine dining restaurant that his family liked?” I hum to her my agreement. “Well, we decided to have dinner there and it seems like his family thought it was a good idea too.” My eyes pop open and I sit up on a sitting position immediately after hearing what she said. “Yeah, his family.”

“Who was there?” a certain curly haired British bachelor perhaps? I mentally said to myself. I didn’t want to sound too eager for assurance of Klaus’ presence, but I am too intrigued to sound insouciant.

“Well, the bitchy sister was there,” she says. Rebekah. Bitchy, indeed! “I think the oldest of them, too. Finn, right?” I nod. “Then,” she made a short pause, “you’ll never guess who else was there.”

Please say Klaus. Please say Klaus. Please say Klaus.

What Depression Really Feels Like

A lot of people have different misconceptions regarding Clinical Depression. Whether you respect it or not, just believe that it is a disease! An illness. A disorder. Just like Cancer, people can die of Depression. It's crazy how many people don't acknowledge this illness as anything but a "state of mind".

I am not a licensed physician, a psychologist, or even a psychometrician! I'm just a regular 18 year old trying to send a message. In this post, I am going to let you see the real story behind depression. If any of you feel sorry at all, I'd be glad. Not because I'd spread the word, but because it'd mean that the world still has a chance for change.

"Everything is great. My family loves me. My friends love me. My boyfriend loves me. And I'm even sure that my teachers love me too, but I can't shake off this feeling of being....alone.

I am literally surrounded by people who love me and I love back, but suddenly, it's like a flip switch that flicked closed and all the light and happiness just...left. It escaped from this little world I call reality, and now all I could think of is how bad my life is, even though nothing has changed. 

I didn't need to start drinking or taking drugs to feel like this. I've decided a long time ago that I never wanted to do all that because I've never felt the need to. And yet this happened to me. Most people relate depression to being an alcoholic or drug addict, but it's not true. In my journey, I have met so many people who are exactly like me. People who have had their eyes drained of light. People who have hearts deprived of love. Real people with a real illness called Depression. 

When someone says, "I have Depression", people either don't take it seriously, or cringe and stay away from them. While the few people that stick around usually become ultra cautious because they immediately assume that this person is suicidal. More often, people with depression are suicidal. More often, people with depression have gone through a terrible experience in their lives which provoked the disease. More often... but not always. 

I'm not suicidal. Do I think that my life has no purpose? No. I do have a purpose. I just don't think I can succeed, so why try? Do I want my life to end? No. I am a very religious person and God has His own plans for me. So, why should I feel obligated to ruin His plans? Do I want my life to go on? No. 

I don't want my life to end, but somehow, imagining my life go on is an impossibility. If you have depression, you'll know what I mean. Having depression, every bit of thought in your mind turns into negativity in a millisecond. To be honest, as days go by, you wouldn't even have the energy to think of a positive thought. You'd get so tired of your mind shutting down all the good stuff, that you end up creating the negative thoughts by yourself. 

It feels like a mental hangover. One that doesn't get better after a few days. One that doesn't get easier. One that gets worst day by day — or in this case, night by night. 

You can ask anybody in my life, and I am sure that they would describe me being a happy person. A ball of sunshine that brings joy to everywhere I go. And until now, I am. Around my friends, I enjoy myself and have fun with them. They laugh at my jokes and I laugh at theirs. Because depression isn't a 3-hour movie with no commercial breaks. Depression — at least for me — is a TV series with several commercials in between and something that premieres once a week. 

Every time I get 'hit', I tell people I'm having an episode, because to be honest, that's how it feels like. That's why you can't judge a happy person with depression for being an attention-seeker. We don't choose when we get hit by our episodes. Sometimes it happens once a day, sometimes thrice a day. I can't tell, because my body doesn't tell me. There is no pre-episode symptom to look out for. It just hits you. And when it does, you'll know. 

Having depression is probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. Even worse than that time I forgot to use a condom. Even worst than that time my Dad didn't come pick me up when I was 6. To be honest, having depression this time around was worst than when I had it 4 years ago. 

I've had depression before but it was different because what I had before was provoked by the bullies around me. The bullying that turned into insecurities that led to depression. It was terrible. But what I have now is even worse. 

Everything has no reason. I'm sad for no reason. I feel terrible for no reason. I cry for no reason (and involuntarily). Every terrible feeling that I feel has no reason, yet I just know that I have the disease. I can go to endless counseling session and I'm sure that would help but it wouldn't really fix the problem. Depression has a cure, but without a cause of disease, it's almost impossible to find the cure. 

At every end of your day, you'd just give up to the disease and allow it to play with your emotions. Giving up to the 'cancer' that has poisoned your mind and body..."

This post may not be a word-by-word description of what it feels like to have depression, but I hope that you understand the struggles of having depression through this. And if you do, please share this post link to start making a change. Mental Health Awareness is very very important. So, please! Let's not just spread the word, let's make a change!!

Fifty Shades of Klaus (Trailer)

I definitely have posted this before on my other blog. But I didn't realize that  haven't shared it here until now! So.... for those who still haven't seen it! This is the trailer to my Fanfiction (which is still ongoing! I promise. My finals just ended.)

6 TV Shows You Need to Watch

OK. I won't say any more BS. Here's the list!

6. The Big Big Theory

Image from season 4, episode 11 of Big Bang Theory

Let me start the list with a comedy show you can't hate on. Despite the show having too many technical terms that a regular human brain cannot process, this show is practically the perfect comedy to watch by any generation! It's funny, it's exciting, it's romantic, it's scientific, what else would you ask for?

This show has been a drag to watch (it's on its 8th season now, by the way), but since its most recent season, it has really been upping its game. The show has actually made so much progress by this season. No wonder why it has been renewed through season 10 since 2014. The creators definitely know what they're doing.

What you need to know before watching the show:

Don't be turned off by the fact that the show is starred by nerds. These nerds and geeks are the best kind of nerds you're ever going to watch on television! Just keep an open mind as you watch. Besides, you don't need to relate with them. You could relate with Penny (who is definitely a lot more relatable).

5. My Mad Fat Diary

Promotional Photo of My Mad Fat Diary

Any of you interested with good British TV? Well, I got one for you!

This show is one of the most realistic teenage drama you will ever watch in your life. It talks of a teenage girl coming out of psychiatric hospital after attempting to commit suicide. It's very relatable in a sense that she is like every other girl with insecurities and boy problems. And like every other British drama, this show talks a lot about the smoking, drugs and sex. You'll never get bored watching this one! (Unless you're a guy...)

What you need to know before watching the show:

This show is both light and really heavy. It discusses a lot about mental health problems. So, it could get a little too serious for your liking, but just keep an open mind! Cause who doesn't feel a little mental sometimes? And come on, cute guysss!!

Folie á Deux

I walk into my bedroom 

I feel the chill rush through my veins

I feel my stomach twist knots

I see my reflection in the mirror

And I saw someone I could not recognize.

And I saw nothing but the figure of a failure.

I try to fix the mess I’ve made

I try to fix the mess I’ve made

But I failed. 

I take out the rope from my last camping trip.

I take out the knife from my front pocket.

I set up the rope like from my last attempt.

I graze its sharp edges on my fingertips.

I see the rope as my only salvation.

I see on the knife’s reflection the paradise I wanted.

I inhale my one last breath. (Inhale) 

Fifty Shades of Klaus : Chapter 12

My phone beeps with the incoming message.

Need you to cover for the firm in the art exhibit this coming Friday. Write a critique about it. Submit it as soon as possible.

The message is from an unknown number I didn’t recognize. It’s probably Marcel, or the chief editor. I hide my phone in my purse and take another swing on the bottle of beer in front of me as I watch my best friend dance with her boyfriend. I assume too much from her. Yes, she promised me a celebration later tonight, but she never mentioned not having to invite Kol.

Maybe I’m just really not use to her being in a relationship. This is the first time I’ve seen her be in a serious one, which makes the matter even worst because her first serious one is a vampire. I sigh, taking another swing of alcohol.

This is going to be bad for her. The whole relationship is going to go down the drain — well, that is if he doesn’t drain her first. I love Bonnie, but the concept of vampirism is still so new to me and I find it sickening. They’re monsters, I know. I’ve watched the Twilight movie and Buffy the vampire slayer. The media might try to make others seem noble like how the Cullens are, but that was for mere entertainment.

I know better than to believe that those kinds of vampires exist just because they believe in the greater good. Maybe there are vampires as such that exist, but it’s obviously just because of the recent movies that gave them the idea of it. Those vampires must have such a dire love life that they decide to take on that challenge in hopes of finding their own Bella. I think it makes them seem desperate, not romantic.

“Why aren’t you joining us for a dance?” Bonnie asks, taking the seat opposite mine. I notice her looking down to my bottle of beer, so I push it towards her. She smiles and sips from it. “Thanks.” She and Kol sits side by side together on the seats opposite mine, as I stay the only single girl in the booth.

I give them a small smile, “My latest club escapade isn’t exactly worth the trip down memory lane. Honestly though, I’m fine on my own. Go have fun.”

Kol gives his girl a dopey-eyed look. It made me want to gag, but I let out a little chuckle instead. They look so stupidly in love. I sigh. Perhaps it makes more sense for me to let go of my frustration for their love affair. It’s not entirely that bad. The only matter that gets in the way is my hatred for vampires. Their relationship isn’t really my business. And it seems like Kol really loves her.