Folie á Deux

I walk into my bedroom 

I feel the chill rush through my veins

I feel my stomach twist knots

I see my reflection in the mirror

And I saw someone I could not recognize.

And I saw nothing but the figure of a failure.

I try to fix the mess I’ve made

I try to fix the mess I’ve made

But I failed. 

I take out the rope from my last camping trip.

I take out the knife from my front pocket.

I set up the rope like from my last attempt.

I graze its sharp edges on my fingertips.

I see the rope as my only salvation.

I see on the knife’s reflection the paradise I wanted.

I inhale my one last breath. (Inhale) 

I slowly wrap the rope around my neck.

I slowly caress the bulging vein on my wrist.

“This is it. It’s gonna be over.”

“This is it. It’s finally the end.”

I felt the world drag me down as I let go.

I felt my world float in mid air as I cut myself.

I see the sight of my room fade away.

I see the pool of my crimson blood on the floor,

And I smiled. 

I am a man. 

I am a girl. 

I am 45 and alone. 

I am 16 and alone. 

I am an addict. 

I am abused. 

I am a monster. 

He is a monster. 

Despite our similarities and differences

We both ended our 

Messed up

Stupid

Tedious 

Disgusting 

Scummy and shitty lives. 

Everybody has thought of it. 

Each one of us has his own idea of how to do it

But...

We hesitate

We prolong it

We deny it

We pretend it doesn’t exist.

But the truth is... 

We’re scared. 

But what are you so afraid of? Really?

Is it death?

Or is it the fear of being forgotten?

But have you ever wondered...

...That maybe..

..It’s just you..

Scared of facing your own reality?

Imagine yourself as that girl.

Imagine yourself as that guy.

Would you not be scared? 

But when you were listening to our story,

were you scared for me? Or for me?

For us? 

No. 

People see it as a joke. 

They never take it seriously. 

Sometimes they would just roll their eyes,

Or even just tune them out.

“I can’t do this anymore. I want to end this misery.”

“Oh come on. Man up! Grow some balls.”

A lot of you —

All of you

Don’t understand what we’re going through. 

I mean, how could you? 

Unless you were there... 

“Take of your clothes.” 

You don’t know... 

Unless you heard the voices... 

“Come on. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.”

You don’t know...

Unless you put yourself in our shoes,

Unless you felt everything we’ve been through.

You don’t know!

You may never know. 

It’s as easy as a pocketknife to end one’s misery.

It’s as simple as a climbing rope to take away the pain.

So don’t

And we mean never

Laugh at them

Or mock them

Because you don’t know what can happen

In a minute

In a second

In a blink of an eye

And they’re gone...