Treasure Love : Forever Do Us Part

I remember everything that happened to me. Everything came to me in a rush. In a matter of seconds, all the pain; all the happiness; I felt it all over again. Those memories are hard to forget. It’s impossible actually. But feeling everything like that, it gave me such adrenaline.

“I promise to love you forever. You are my baby and whatever happens, nothing can change what we have. God! I miss you so much. I hope I can hug you right now. Baby, you will always have a place in my heart. I’ve locked my heart and sealed you in it. Nothing can ever take you away from me. I love you.”

I remember him telling me that. How long was it? 7 years ago? Yeah. That was how long it was. I guess quotes like that are very hard to forget. Love like that is hard to forget. At this point of my life, I’m not supposed to remember every word of it. But I do. And love like that… It’s epic love.

“Baby, do you love me?” he asked me.

I raised an eyebrow, “What kind of question is that? Of course, I love you. I will love you ‘till the day I die. Forever do us part.” I answered holding his hand tightly, “I’m never letting you go.”

He smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead, “Forever.”

Forever is a long time. It’s never accurate. Sometimes, forever is cut short by accidents. But usually, forever deem people unworthy of it. Forever is too long that it almost never keeps its promise.

“I don’t understand. I love you; you love me too, right? But—” I sighed, “But what’s the problem here? Nothing is right anymore. We’re hurting each other. This isn’t love anymore.”

He punched the wall, “Don’t say that!” he shouted, “Don’t say that,” he said again in a calmer tone. “Baby, we love each other. We are worthy of forever. Nothing! Nothing can break us part. Forever do us part; it’s our promise. I intend to keep that promise.”

I started shaking my head, “I don’t want it to be like this. I love you, but I have to let you go. It’s not right. If I love you, I shouldn’t be hurting you. Neither of us should be hurt. But look at us! Nothing is going our way. You should just—” I brushed away my tears, “You should just forget about me.”

He started protesting, “No. Baby, I—”

I cut him off, “Stop. I love you. Just hold on to that. I will always,” I paused, “always love you.” I turned back and started walking away. Tears started to stream down my eyes. I didn’t want to do this. I love him too much to let him go. But, I couldn’t. I couldn’t tie him down to a relationship that doesn’t have a forever. I couldn’t.

I walked out of his apartment. Down at the hallway, I felt someone’s arms wrapped around me. And he whispered, “You can’t get rid of me that easily. No. I love you. Nothing can ever take you away from me. Forever or no forever, there will be forever for us.” He turned my body around so I was facing him. “I promise to fight for our love. I’m never turning my back on you. Baby, I can’t live without you. You are the love of my life. I can’t lose you.”

“Craig, please. This is hard for me too. But—”

“But nothing! There’s no reason for us to part. People get hurt all the time, but love, it’s unlike anything else. People who are in love should hold on to that love, because not everybody has it. And a love like ours, nobody else has that. I’m not letting you go.”

I broke into tears almost immediately. He hugged me as I cried into his shirt, “I love you. Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to see you hurt. But I love you. Baby, ‘till death do us part.”

I felt him smile as he had his face pressed against my hair. “No. ‘Till forever do us part.”

Yeah. A love that can only be broken by forever is infinite. Nothing can ever ruin that. Not even death.

“Baby, please. Please. Stay awake for me, please. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.” He started kissing me, breathing air into my lungs. “Please, no. Forever. It’s not yet forever. Baby, please. Keep breathing, please. You can’t leave me. Not yet.”

I tried to smile, but I couldn’t even feel my cheeks to move it. My heart problem makes it impossible for my blood to circulate properly. The heart problem was inborn and it gets in the way of our forever. “Baby,” I tried to say, “I love you. Hold on to that. Always hold on to that.”

“No. No. No! Baby. Baby, wake up. Please, keep breathing for me. Don’t leave me.”

Then I went blank. I don’t recall any memory after that. Next thing I know…

I feel my lungs constricted. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs feel dry and no air is coming in. I got up from my laid down position, “What’s going on? I can’t breathe.” I started hyperventilating in a way.

“Relax, baby. You just got off from surgery. Come on, lie down.”

“I can’t breathe.” I felt my lungs close up and I started feeling light-headed.

“Baby, are you okay? Nurse!” He shouted, pressing the call button continuously. “Nurse! Baby, stay awake. Nurse!” He tried to give me mouth to mouth, but I couldn’t feel anything. Everything went black again.

Did I die then? Nope. I even got better. All in the name of love.

I opened my eyes, “Where am I?”

He smiled at me, “You’re in the hospital. The doctor just went out. I’ll go get her.”

“No!” I said, holding on to his hand so that he couldn’t leave. “Don’t leave. Stay with me.” He smiled and nodded, “How long? How long was I unconscious?”

He looked down and started caressing my hand, “A few weeks. The doctor said it was a heart malfunction.” He smiled, “But it’s okay now. You got surgery and the doctor said that it’s unlikely to trouble you ever again.”

“No, that’s impossible. I’ve had it since I was a little baby. All my doctors said that surgery can do no good because it’s bound to come back anyway. I was ready to die.” I said.

He let go of my hand and stood up, “Don’t say that. Were you really going to leave me just like that? You think I’m going to let that happen? You promised forever. It’s not forever yet. Not yet.”

“What did you do?”

He sat down again and took my hand. He kissed it and started leaving trails of kisses from the back of my hand to the top of my head. “I love you.”

“What did you do, Craig?”

He sighed, “You needed surgery. You needed a lot of blood, an approval, da dada dada. You needed a lot of things. I gave you as much as I could. 3 pints of blood. They said it wasn’t legal but whatever.” He smiled.

“I love you,” I said. He got up and kissed me on the lips.

It was a revitalizing moment. But we were young, and nothing else mattered to us than love.

“Do you, Anibeth Sparks, take me, Craig Rudolph Johnson as your lawfully wedded husband?” He asked.

I giggled, “This is stupid.”

He laughed, “Come on! I’m serious. I know we’re still young. But I love you and I don’t see any difference if we do this in front of a priest cause what matters is that we both know how much we love each other. Nothing else matter. Forever,” He smiled.

“I do. And do you, Craig Rudolph Johnson, take me, Anibeth Sparks as your lawfully wedded wife?” I asked. He started laughing and I laughed with him, “I told you this is stupid!” I pouted.

He took my hands, “No. It’s not that. Anibeth Sparks, I vow to love you forever until the day we both die. I will love you ‘till my hands couldn’t even grip yours of old age. I will love you even after all your hair turns gray. I vow to be by your side and love you with all my heart despite our disagreements and differences. Anibeth Sparks,” he paused and kissed the back of my hand; he opened his right palm and asked, “Will you marry me?”

I started tearing up, taking the ring from his right palm. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God no. Oh no!’ I paused, “I mean, yes! Yes! Yes, I will marry you. Yes. I do.” I jumped at him and started kissing him, wrapping my legs around his waist and whispering to his lips, “Yes. I will be your wife. Forever.”

Forever. I remember loving him forever. I remember being with him forever. It was Friday that night when we first declared our love to the world by admitting everything to our parents and to the Lord. We were happy as I recalled, and we were sure that nothing was going to break us apart.

“Baby, which one do you like?” I asked.

He sighed, “I don’t really care.”

I furrowed my brows and rolled my eyes, “Craig Johnson, if I’m going to marry you, you can’t make me do everything. This is our wedding cake. You should care.”

He groaned, “Whatever. The chocolate cake.” I frowned. I felt our love slowly drifting away as we were planning our wedding. This kind of thing happened all the time. And it makes me wonder if I should still pursue this. He looked at me and stood up, walking away. I felt tears slowly forming in my eyes.

As a girl, I’ve always imagined myself in a white gown, walking down the aisle with the love of my life by my side. But I didn’t want it to be like this. It’s unfair. I got up, with all intention of breaking off the engagement, but as I turned, he was there.

He got down on one knee and took my hand, giving it a little kiss. “I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been the best fiancé. But I’m a dude, I don’t like this sh*t. Baby, I love you. I don’t need the cake; I don’t need the flowers; we don’t even need a gown or tux. I only need you ‘til forever. Nothing else. But you’re a girl, I understand. You need this. You want this. I’m sorry if I can’t be as supportive as I should be. I just find these things useless because you’re the only one I’m going to marry here. I’m not marrying the cake or the flowers, I’m marrying you. Even if you show up with frizzy hair and torn up clothes, I will still marry you. I will marry you whatever it takes. I love you, baby. I’m sorry.”

I smiled, “I love you too, baby.” I pulled on his arm, signaling him to get up. “Baby, let’s not fight about this, okay? I’ll handle the wedding stuff, just be supportive. I just need to know that you’re not backing down from this.”

“Never.”

Never. It’s the only word better than forever. But it’s also the word best used to represent betrayal in the future. Nobody can do never. Not even with the love like ours. Never is not possible.

“You look so beautiful, dear.” My mom said, curling a strand of hair behind my ear. “Craig is a lucky man.”

I smiled while shaking my head, “No. I’m the lucky one. No other man can love like him. I’m blessed.” I sighed, breathing out all the nervousness. “I’m ready.”

My mom smiled at me. She tapped the shoulder of the man holding the double doors. I curled my arms around my mom’s and grinned from ear to ear. I’m getting married. I’m going to see the love of my life standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for me. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

I heard the piano starting to play as the double doors started to open. As it did, everything was as I expected. My friends and relatives were seated like how imagined they would be. The last flower girl started walking towards the end. My eyes followed her trail of flowers ‘till the end. I looked up to see the man I’m destined to marry standing at the end. But he wasn’t there. Nobody was there.

I looked around, trying to find him. “He’s not here.” I mouthed and looked at my mom

She looked as worried as I was. Craig’s uncle came running to me, saying, “He’s gone. He left. He’s not in the dressing room.” I felt my whole world crashing slowly. “He left a note.” I turned. I didn’t need a note. He promised forever. I started running away.

Promises. They are made to be broken.

“No. She’s not okay. What makes you think that things will go back to the way it used to be, huh?” I hear my mom’s voice from the living room as I was curled up in my bed. “You left her at the altar, Craig. Everything you ever said to her, what was that? It’s b***sh*t!” There was a pause, “No. You’re not talking to her. Don’t you ever dare show your face to her! Do you hear me? You can’t just—”

The conversation went on but I didn’t want to keep hearing it. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m still not okay. Hearing him call my mom everyday doesn’t make me feel better. Hearing them fight like that while I was crying my heart out. I got up from the bed and slammed open the door.

I grabbed the phone from my mom and shouted, “Go f*** yourself!” and ended the call.

Forever, promises and never. Love. They all mean nothing.

“I’m sorry. Please, talk to me.” He said, following me as I was walking to work. It has been 3 months and we haven’t spoken since. “Anibeth baby, please. I’m doing everything I can here.”

I didn’t answer but just continued walking to work. I haven’t come back to work since I started planning the wedding. I’m pretty sure that a stack of papers is waiting for me.

“Anibeth,” he said, taking my hand. I flinched away. “Baby,” he tried again, but this time I pushed him away. “Please, baby. I made a mistake.”

I rolled my eyes, “Mistake done. You can’t turn back time, Craig. You can’t turn back all the promises broken and all the forever’s you’ve lied about. This is this. I’ll see you in never.” And I started walking away.

“Anibeth, just talk to me. Let me explain. You didn’t even read my letter. I explained everything there.” He said, trying to catch up with my pace.

“What makes you think a letter fixes everything? I know how you explained it. Cold feet? You think that’s a good enough reason for me? You promised me forever and all those words that you said about marrying me was just a big joke after all! You can’t blame me for being like this. And you know what? I don’t care what you think or what you want anymore. I don’t want you in my life. I don’t need you. Take care.” I said, with all intention of making that our last conversation.

Love is a strange thing. It’s always a mystery to mankind and it never follows the usually blow of the wind. It’s a different kind of magic that cannot be explained by simple science or simple knowledge. It takes the heart and the mind to know the real truth behind it. And no matter what happens, it never fails to bring you joy, pain and FOREVER.

I was walking across the street to grab a bagel with some of my colleagues. They suggested going to Café Le Amore. A coffee house Craig and I always went to. It was our place. But it’s been 5 years since our last encounter. I managed to forget about all the pain that I felt. With the accompaniment of my neural psychiatrist, it wasn’t so hard.

We entered the coffee house and I felt a sudden tingle in my stomach. It’s been so long since I last tasted their coffee. It’s been too long since I last been here. The table and chair arrangements have changed and everything was different now.

“Ann, coffee?” asked Mira.

I nodded. I looked over to the menu. Everything has changed but their menu. I stopped at the sight of Triple Choco-Cappuccino. It was my favorite back in the good old days. I wonder if it still tastes like how I remembered. “I’ll have a Triple Choco-Cappuccino to go.”

She gave me nod. It’s been complicated since that day I last saw him. He still kept calling but nobody answered the phone. And not long after that, my parents decided to move away in order to start off fresh. We didn’t fail though. I did move on eventually. I got over it, but I never found someone new. I was willing to give my forever to that man, and nothing has changed.

I would still give my forever to him now. It’s been 5 years of no contact but my feelings have not changed. That’s how epic our love was for me. I stopped hoping to find someone else to love because that day that we vowed our love without a priest, I was ready. And to me, that was what vows are all about. Priest or no priest, a vow is a vow and you can’t make one and not mean it.

I kept my promise. I will love him forever. He just doesn’t need to love me back. You can’t expect someone to repay you for the love you give because love is not a contract; it’s not a debt and you can’t always expect someone to return to you the love you give.

In the end, I got my forever. I loved him forever. I didn’t even need to know if he loves me back.

I had a coffee on my right hand and a bagel on the left. We started walking back to work when I heard someone call my name. I turned back to see who it was. It was a good friend of mine. “Jellina! Oh my God! What a coincidence!”

“I know, right? How have you been? I tried calling your house like 5 years ago but nobody was picking up. I even tried calling your cell. Did you change digits?” she asked.

I smiled. “Yeah, we also moved out of the old house. It was getting a little sentimental for my parents to be there because they felt trapped. We lived there our whole lives so moving was actually a clear solution.”

She sighed happily, “My gosh. It’s really nice to see you. Who are you here with?”

“Some of my colleagues. We’re actually on our way back to work. You?”

She giggled, “Actually, I’m on a date.” She said, pointing over to the table at the far back. My eyes followed her hand and my heart stopped. I swallowed.

The man stood up and came walking towards us. The man had curly blond hair and dazzling brown eyes. His look was so mesmerizing that it feels like forever as I stared at him. I shook my head, waking myself back to reality. “Anibeth, it’s nice to see you again,” he said to me.

I couldn’t quite build up words to reply him. “Yeah,” I managed to spat.

“Can we talk?” he said.

I shook my head, “I have work. I should go.” I spat again. I turned to look back at my colleagues but it seems like they have already gone back to the office without me. Was I really that long that they had to leave without me? Maybe I have been staring at him forever.

He smiled, “It won’t be long. I promise.” He looked at Jellina and the girl just smiled at him, understanding that it was a personal talk. She walked back to their table.

I looked up to him, “You know, promises are made to be broken, Craig.”

He blinked twice. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Things are going great actually. And I can see that things are going great for you too. How long have you two been together?” I asked, trying to be friendly. But deep inside, I was unwell.

He shrugged, “A while.” The moment was so awkward that I wanted to walk away.

“Well then I guess it was the right decision for us to break it off. I’m happy for you, Craig.” I faked a smile, “I should get back to work. But it’s nice seeing you.” I turned to walk away.

I heard his shoes squeak, “Can I get your number?”

“I’m pretty sure Jellina’s the jealous type, Craig. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway. Good day.”

That encounter answered my question. He was able to move on despite all the memories we shared. Love is a momentary emotion. It’s not ever-lasting. It’s bound to have an end. But despite that, forever still exists.

His breathing was rapid and hasty. “Anibeth,” he paused, “We need to talk.”

I blinked. Is this for real? I clicked open the lamp by my bedside table. “Are you for real? It’s 2 am in the morning, man. Go to sleep.”

“Anibeth, talk to me. I can’t get you out of my mind. Please. I have unanswered questions. I need to clear things up. I couldn’t sleep.” He said.

I sighed, “What is it? How did you even get my number?”

His breathing started to decrease. “Anibeth, what happened to you after that day? Has anything changed? Are you married? Are you still mad at me? Anibeth, where do you live? Why did you leave? Anibeth, can we still fix this?”

I gripped on the phone so tightly that I was sure that it should’ve broken. “Craig, go to sleep.”

“Anibeth, no! Answer me, please. I need to know the truth. I deserve to know the truth. You don’t need to love me and I know we can’t bring back the past. But at least tell me what was real. Tell me what is real.” He spat.

“Craig, you of all people don’t deserve anything. You don’t just leave a girl in the altar and demand for answers. I loved you! I loved you! I was willing to give my life to you. So you can’t tell me that you deserve the truth, because you sure as hell did not give me what I deserved!”

I started hearing silent cries at the other line, “Anibeth,” his voice cracked, “Anibeth, I’m sorry. But I don’t have anything anymore and I don’t have anyone. I know you deserve an explanation and this is it. I’ve lost all my loved ones and I was scared. I would lose it if even you left me. I don’t have anyone. I couldn’t lose you. I left because I thought we could fix it. That you could comfort me and everything would go back to normal. We didn’t need to get married because we already were. We didn’t need the law to prove that. Our hearts know what is real.”

I bit my lower lip, “Craig, you had me! You can’t say that you didn’t have anyone. You never lost me; not to anything else.” I sighed, “You should go to sleep.”

“Ani—”

I cut him off, “Go to sleep. We’ll talk later. Café Le Amore, 8 a.m. Do not be late.”

He sniffed, “Thank you. Ani, thank you. I love you, Ani. Forever.” I smiled. Forever, I wanted to say.

But there was no forever for me. There is forever for most, but for me, forever has deemed me unworthy.

I took my phone out of my pocket and started typing, “I love you, baby. ‘Till forever do us part. Nothing has changed. You don’t need to ask anything because my feelings have not changed. It never will. I promise to love you forever and I will.”

This is the end for me. I didn’t even get to send it. Turns out, my heart was never okay. My whole life flashed before my eyes but these were the only memories I needed. I didn’t need to fight death. Because I know deep inside, that forever will be forever ours.