Fifty Shades of Klaus : Chapter 15

“Are you ready?” I ask Bonnie.

She gives me a threatening look, “If you’re teasing because their family thinks I’m a weirdo, then no. But if you’re serious, then,” she sighs, “I guess I am.”

I give her an encouraging smile. “Bonnie, don’t get nervous. I’m sure their family is going to love you. It just takes a while, you know. No parent is cool when people date their kids. Trust me, I know. Trust me, I know.” Of course, I know. Try being the daughter of the town sheriff, then talk to me about overprotectiveness.

Giving me a nod, she swallows in an uneasy lump in her throat and opens the car door. I open the door from my side and clutch my purse ever so tightly. My eyes wander around the venue. Looks exactly like how I remembered, but more presentable. It’s now a museum after all. Not that there was anything wrong with the place before the renovation.

The renovation just gave the place a little more excitement and flare. It brings more sophistication and modernization to a primal looking structure. A water propelling fountain sit opposite the mouth of the museum, and a plant silhouette of an exposed woman stand beside the fountain. It gave the place more artistry than its original blueprint.

A man wearing a hat escorts me to the door. Along the doors await the beautiful and blonde, Rebekah Mikaelson along with her elder brother, Elijah. I didn’t expect to encounter Rebekah tonight. Elijah, I’m prepared for, but the sister? She’s still not over me protected with my own load of vervain — well, Bonnie’s load — so I thought she would be scouring the whole town searching for her own dummy to torture to release her anger.

Undressing 'Inside Out'

Recently, I have rewarded myself with an hour and 42-minute movie in the theatre entitled Inside Out. I still remember witnessing the trailer of this critically acclaimed Pixar movie last year for the very first time.

Promotional image from Pixar

I've been waiting on it for what felt like five years! I've always been so in love with movies that perfectly depict mental illnesses or how the mind works, so I definitely had high expectations towards this movie. To be honest, I don't usually like or watch Pixar movies, (The only one that I overtly say that I love was the movie Up) so I was definitely excited for this one.

Going into the movie theatre, I was jumping with excitement. A couple of my friends had already watched it before I did — since I opted to watch it with my Mom and sister — so they already promised me a good two hours. After all the exciting trailers, a studio logo came out and I commanded myself to stop fidgeting and enjoy the movie.

Fifty Shades of Klaus : Chapter 14

Breakfast with Bonnie and Matt is the closest thing we can have similar to a Mystic Falls get-together. The diner at 5^th street was so homey and simple. A small, quiet diner that is perfect to have breakfast with some close friends. “So, when can I meet this perfect boyfriend?” Matt asked.

“Soon,” Bonnie replies. “If you haven’t realized Matt, you’ve actually been totally AWOL to us since you met Cami. Any explanations for that?”

She teasingly raises both eyebrows. He sheepishly replies, “She’s just so great, you know? She keeps talking about these Psychology things that is killing me because I knew nothing about it, but for some odd reason, it keeps me around. It’s a trait of hers that I find interesting.”

I bow my head, looking down to my eggs and smile. The two friends I have seated with me in the booth are both happily dating, while I am still mortified of the man I want to be with. I have actually planned today to be the day that I finally make amends with Klaus Mikaelson. Well, I was hoping. “You better be serious about her, Matt. We really plan on becoming friends with the girl, so don’t mess it up,” I say.

He smiles at me. “I won’t,” he says, taking his cup of coffee with him. “I should go back take care of the supermarket. Vicki might get back early from Mystic Falls, and I don’t want her to get in trouble with the staff.”

Bonnie stands up, “We’ll walk you.” I get up from the booth together with Matt and the three of us walk the streets together on the way to Matt’s shop. “Have you heard from Elena, Matt?”

Fifty Shades of Klaus : Chapter 13

“Caroline?” a whisper and a knock interrupts my slumber for the night. I look up the clock; it is only a quarter after midnight. I groan, giving out a hint that I am aware of her calling. The door opens, “Are you awake?”

I let out a soft giggle, “Barely.” Sitting up on bed, I rest my head on the headboard. She climbs up the bed, lying beside me. “You’re home late,” I sleepily utter.

She sighs out, “Remember when Kol mentioned a fine dining restaurant that his family liked?” I hum to her my agreement. “Well, we decided to have dinner there and it seems like his family thought it was a good idea too.” My eyes pop open and I sit up on a sitting position immediately after hearing what she said. “Yeah, his family.”

“Who was there?” a certain curly haired British bachelor perhaps? I mentally said to myself. I didn’t want to sound too eager for assurance of Klaus’ presence, but I am too intrigued to sound insouciant.

“Well, the bitchy sister was there,” she says. Rebekah. Bitchy, indeed! “I think the oldest of them, too. Finn, right?” I nod. “Then,” she made a short pause, “you’ll never guess who else was there.”

Please say Klaus. Please say Klaus. Please say Klaus.

What Depression Really Feels Like

A lot of people have different misconceptions regarding Clinical Depression. Whether you respect it or not, just believe that it is a disease! An illness. A disorder. Just like Cancer, people can die of Depression. It's crazy how many people don't acknowledge this illness as anything but a "state of mind".

I am not a licensed physician, a psychologist, or even a psychometrician! I'm just a regular 18 year old trying to send a message. In this post, I am going to let you see the real story behind depression. If any of you feel sorry at all, I'd be glad. Not because I'd spread the word, but because it'd mean that the world still has a chance for change.

"Everything is great. My family loves me. My friends love me. My boyfriend loves me. And I'm even sure that my teachers love me too, but I can't shake off this feeling of being....alone.

I am literally surrounded by people who love me and I love back, but suddenly, it's like a flip switch that flicked closed and all the light and happiness just...left. It escaped from this little world I call reality, and now all I could think of is how bad my life is, even though nothing has changed. 

I didn't need to start drinking or taking drugs to feel like this. I've decided a long time ago that I never wanted to do all that because I've never felt the need to. And yet this happened to me. Most people relate depression to being an alcoholic or drug addict, but it's not true. In my journey, I have met so many people who are exactly like me. People who have had their eyes drained of light. People who have hearts deprived of love. Real people with a real illness called Depression. 

When someone says, "I have Depression", people either don't take it seriously, or cringe and stay away from them. While the few people that stick around usually become ultra cautious because they immediately assume that this person is suicidal. More often, people with depression are suicidal. More often, people with depression have gone through a terrible experience in their lives which provoked the disease. More often... but not always. 

I'm not suicidal. Do I think that my life has no purpose? No. I do have a purpose. I just don't think I can succeed, so why try? Do I want my life to end? No. I am a very religious person and God has His own plans for me. So, why should I feel obligated to ruin His plans? Do I want my life to go on? No. 

I don't want my life to end, but somehow, imagining my life go on is an impossibility. If you have depression, you'll know what I mean. Having depression, every bit of thought in your mind turns into negativity in a millisecond. To be honest, as days go by, you wouldn't even have the energy to think of a positive thought. You'd get so tired of your mind shutting down all the good stuff, that you end up creating the negative thoughts by yourself. 

It feels like a mental hangover. One that doesn't get better after a few days. One that doesn't get easier. One that gets worst day by day — or in this case, night by night. 

You can ask anybody in my life, and I am sure that they would describe me being a happy person. A ball of sunshine that brings joy to everywhere I go. And until now, I am. Around my friends, I enjoy myself and have fun with them. They laugh at my jokes and I laugh at theirs. Because depression isn't a 3-hour movie with no commercial breaks. Depression — at least for me — is a TV series with several commercials in between and something that premieres once a week. 

Every time I get 'hit', I tell people I'm having an episode, because to be honest, that's how it feels like. That's why you can't judge a happy person with depression for being an attention-seeker. We don't choose when we get hit by our episodes. Sometimes it happens once a day, sometimes thrice a day. I can't tell, because my body doesn't tell me. There is no pre-episode symptom to look out for. It just hits you. And when it does, you'll know. 

Having depression is probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. Even worse than that time I forgot to use a condom. Even worst than that time my Dad didn't come pick me up when I was 6. To be honest, having depression this time around was worst than when I had it 4 years ago. 

I've had depression before but it was different because what I had before was provoked by the bullies around me. The bullying that turned into insecurities that led to depression. It was terrible. But what I have now is even worse. 

Everything has no reason. I'm sad for no reason. I feel terrible for no reason. I cry for no reason (and involuntarily). Every terrible feeling that I feel has no reason, yet I just know that I have the disease. I can go to endless counseling session and I'm sure that would help but it wouldn't really fix the problem. Depression has a cure, but without a cause of disease, it's almost impossible to find the cure. 

At every end of your day, you'd just give up to the disease and allow it to play with your emotions. Giving up to the 'cancer' that has poisoned your mind and body..."

This post may not be a word-by-word description of what it feels like to have depression, but I hope that you understand the struggles of having depression through this. And if you do, please share this post link to start making a change. Mental Health Awareness is very very important. So, please! Let's not just spread the word, let's make a change!!